Tips for Talking About Sexuality
Tip Number One. Take full responsibility for your
choices. Know your own body, ideas and values. Know what feels
comfortable or uncomfortable and what brings you pleasure. Be sure to
watch for the effects of your words and actions on others.
Tip Number Two. Use a good decision making tool,
like *STAR*: Stop, Think, Act and Respond.
It is a simple way to make a careful and good decision. It will help you
decide what you want to do next.
Tip Number Three. Practice what you want to say
with a relative, close friend, or trusted adult, or practice in a mirror.
Practice is the best way to build self-confidence.
Tip Number Four. Be clear about your goals and aim
your expectations high. At the same time always set realistic limits for
yourself.
Tip Number Five. When talking to a friend or
possible sexual partner, speak clearly, be direct and firm, and use
"I" messages. You may say something like, "Joel, I
feel upset when you act that way and pressure me into doing something I
do not feel ready to do with you."
Tip Number Six.
Talk with a possible sexual partner about your sexual limits and protection
before you begin to get involved in any physical touch. It's a lot harder
to talk about it in the "heat of the moment" than before you start.
Tip
Number Seven. Begin talking about sexuality in a neutral place, not
the bedroom or in the car on a date. Try to find a place where you can
have privacy and where you both can feel as comfortable as possible to say what
you mean.
Tip Number Eight. Use entertainment to
help talk about sexuality. Television shows, music videos, popular songs,
books and magazines are a good way to begin to talk about sexuality with a
friend, parent or possible dating partner.
Tip Number
Nine. Be a good listener. Let the other person speak without
interrupting them. Ask questions if you don't understand what he or she is
saying. Keep eye contact and respond after they are done talking.
Tip
Number Ten. Be a good communicator. Be clear about your feelings
and limits, try to understand the other person's point of view, work to solve
problems, and use a positive response like a smile or an OK touch.
Tip
Number Eleven. Avoid communication breakdown. Try not to yell,
or call people names. Stay away from negative messages like frowning and
interrupting.
Tip Number Twelve. Avoid alcohol
and/or other drugs. It is hard enough to talk about this stuff.
Being drunk or high only makes it harder and might keep you from making healthy
choices for yourself.
Tip Number Thirteen. Get the
information you need to communicate about sexuality. It is important to
talk about sexuality because you are worth it. Your life is worth
it. Remember, if you do not feel ready to express your sexuality with a
partner, don't do it.
