Families Are Talking

Safer Sex

Many adults say that they only safe sex is no sex, meaning not taking part in sexual intercourse. Sexual abstinence is the only 100% effective way to protect ourselves from getting pregnancy or an STD.

If you do become involved in a sexual relationship, you need to protect yourself from getting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). You also need to find ways to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy or from getting your partner pregnant. There are a lot of sexual activities that people enjoy that will not put you at risk for becoming infected with HIV or other STDs. Some of them may surprise you because you may not think that they are sexual activities at all. Remember that sexuality is more than just having sex, or taking part in sexual intercourse, and there are many ways of expressing how you feel about someone. Of course, not everybody enjoys all sexual activities and that's okay. And, may teenagers choose not to have any kind of sex at all, or express their sexuality with another person, and that's okay too!

Here are some ways to show your affection and express your sexual interest or attraction that can make you feel good, but that don't put you or your partner at risk for STDs, HIV or getting pregnant:

Dry Kissing. Kissing on the lips and mouth, ears, neck, etc.

Flirting. Catching someone's attention and showing your sexual interest by a look, words or special actions.

Holding Hands. Holding another person's hands.

Hugging. Holding someone close to you and giving or getting hugs.

Massage. Rubbing, pressing, gently touching or firmly stroking another's body, perhaps with special massage oils; this can also help with pain and muscle tension.

Backrubs or Footrubs. A way of touching with light hand strokes or pressure on another person's back or feet; can be soothing, playful and release muscle tension.

Masturbation. Giving pleasure sexually to your own body; releasing sexual tension by rubbing or stroking sexual parts of your own body.

Stories, Art, Movies, Music, and TV. These often have a message about sexuality and can help possible sexual partners express their affection and sexual interest when they are ready; use them as reasons to begin to talk about sex before you do anything sexual.

French, Wet or Deep Kissing. Kissing with the tongue in the mouth; deep open mouth kissing has not been found to cause HIV infection; however if you have sores in your mouth it is better not to kiss this way.

Mutual Masturbation. Touching the genitals of a sexual partner; sometimes both people do this to each other at the same time. If there are not cuts in the fingers skin, touching the sexual parts of another person can be pleasurable and release sexual tension; wear a clean latex glove for best protection from infection through cuts on fingers.

Here are some activities that have some risk of transmission of HIV or other STDs depending on how well you protect yourself:

Sexual Intercourse With Protection. Vaginal and anal intercourse must be protected using lubricated condoms with nonoxynol-9. Another way to increase protection is to withdraw the penis before ejaculation. This is sometimes called "pulling out". It should not be the only kind of protection that is used by a male. Pulling out should be done while using a condom as well. Oral sex on a woman must be protected with a barrier between the mouth and the vulva. You may cut a non-lubricated latex condom lengthwise up the side and open it up to make a flat surface then cover the vulva. All of these will help you protect yourself from becoming infected with HIV and other STDs.

There are other kinds of birth control that will protect females from pregnancy, but not from HIV and other STDs. These include Norplant, the pill, Depo-Provera, Intrauterine Devices (IUD's) and diaphragms.

For more information, contact siecus@siecus.org.